nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
cat food counts as protein by the way
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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