youre lurking in front of me
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
