I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
