she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
