if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
