dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
