OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
