is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
