there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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