i need an iv and a liver transplant
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
