did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
