so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Do you have feelings for this penis?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
