She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I deserve this hangover.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
