3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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