soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
