i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
