I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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