i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
