Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
