I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
