i jhust puked up my retainher.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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