haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
