When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
