sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
