I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
