she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
