drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
