Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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