Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
