If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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