spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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