fuck your aforementioned shoe
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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