Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
