after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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