Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
