I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We left the knife in your bed.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
