i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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