my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
