if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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