Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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