Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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