u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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