1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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