how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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