Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
