We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
