went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
