eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
