i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
