shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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