Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
