thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
