I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
