I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
